Hippo Eats Dwarf

(15 July 1999, Bangkok)
A Circus Dwarf Met A Disastrous Demise, When He Was Swallowed By A Hippopotamus In A Freak Accident In Northern Thailand.

This was made into an Urban Legend as it was just far too fantastic to believe however, this is actually true.

Od the Dwarf had just astounded the audience with a trapeze performance, when he dismounted onto a trampoline at a bad angle. He was launched sideways into the mouth of a yawning hippopotamus waiting to appear in the next act. Hilda the Hippo gagged and instinctively swallowed the small man while spectators continued to applaud, not realizing their tragic mistake.

Horrified circus members rushed to save the dwarf, but were unable to extract him from the traumatized beast. Veterinarians defended Hilda by pointing out that she was a vegetarian, and had never before digested a circus performer. The vet explains that Hilda the Hippo has a gag reflex that caused her to swallow the dwarf, instead of spitting him out.

(I know it's sad but, It must have been "Bazaar". That "short meal" must have been very "Hippodrome"-matic to the audience. The trampoline is being subjected to forensic analysis. The circus is now hiring.)

Source

Teresa.

Testicle Therapy

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. “Please allow me to help, I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me,” she told him.

“Oh no, I’ll be alright, I’ll be fine in a few minutes.” The man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid then to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, “How does that feel?”

“Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb is broken!”

Teresa.

Practicing for Ira.

(Can't read it? Click on the image for it's full size.)

I'm going to memorize this.

Teresa.

This fun image and thousands more Can be found here...

Speak with the Queens tongue DAMMIT!

At the risk of sounding pedantic, I would offer up a gentle reminder that the purpose of syntax and the myriad of related rules and regulations is not intended to stifle creativity, communication, or any of the delightfully whimsical flights of verbal invention that pass for “dialogue” these days. The rules of syntax exist to enhance and clarify communication – verbal or written. The problem with sweeping away all the rules in an effort to remove the restraints of creativity is that without structure we have ignorance and chaos in our grammar.

Case point… Ira.

You may have forgotten what happened to the literacy and numerate skills of high school in this country when the rules were removed in favour of creativity and in an effort to avoid harming the fragile egos of our nation’s students. The result of all this ego-friendly, non-restrictive creativity is that colleges and universities are having to roll out large and expensive remedial writing and math programs in order to bring high school graduates up to some sort of minimal standard that will enable then to at least begin to comprehend and engage their various curricula. The current trend in education and general language use takes away from what normally smart people the ability to experience the pleasure of crafting a graceful sentence, which I think borders on the criminal. This trend you are following is years below your age which might suggest how ludicrous you truly are.

I think you delight in following trends as you can't seem to be creative within yourself. I suggest that you disentangle all the mediocre ascendancy and see how ridiculous your verbal skills doubtlessly are.

Teresa.

It's over and I can't believe that he has horrible opinions about me

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love." ~Sophocles~

Doug,

I will always love you. You broke my heart completely. I can't believe that someone who professes their love so deeply for someone could possibly accuse the one you love of something so awful and to use the words that you did. You have no faith in my love, you don't trust me. I don't believe you ever loved me at all. You seem to forget that it was you who was searching for someone else while we were together. You have also broken many promises to me however I believe that love is forgiving, love is understanding. Love is kind and gentle.

It was very cowardice of you to leave me with those words in the Email. I thought you were a man of honor. You should have told me to my face [understanding of course the you live so far away]. To hear those words come from your sweet beautiful lips. I, at least deserved that much.

Forever...And ever you will always remain my man.

I love you with all my heart. The fight for you is all I've ever known. ~Teresa~