I can't sleep

I have stumbled across this web site. It tells you of your personality by your given name. I have to wonder if your parents knew how you would develop when they named you. Although some things are not what I perceive myself to be, most is bang on!

What Teresa Means

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

True Love Hurts

Here is what I percieve the hurt of true love is...in order.

1. My love for Jesus Christ...It pains me to know of his suffering for me.

2. The love and pain I felt giving birth to my children and the pain I feel when they are sad.

3. Human love.

Teresa.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake

Ooga Booga!

The city's population of Umbaúba, Brazil was impressed and shocked: the birth of offspring of a dog with human characteristics. Of the five puppies born, one that was born dead, had human hands and feet, besides the male genital organ.

According to the veterinarian John Farias, this is probably a genetic anomaly. "It is a disorder of chromosome at the time of formation of the fetus, which call Neoformacao Genetics, nothing more than that. There is the possibility that the fetus has been generated from a sexual relationship of a man with a dog, because his sperm is totally different from the animal. The only chromosome that is similar to that of humans is the primate, anyway, it is impossible to fertilization, "he explained.

See more here . There is also lots of photo's cerculating the net, see Google .

All I have to say is get a flippen sheep and stay away from Rover. Ewwww....Isn't this behaviour called Zoophilia?

Teresa.

Not down on myself, just sad.

I have to find better ways of occupying my down time. My time, what a bankrupt idea [pun intended]. As if I've been given that empty box but this turn it's full of time. Belonging to me alone, stuffed to the brim with hours and minutes that I cannot spend like money. Trouble is, the box has holes in it and the time is running out, no matter what I do with it.

I am already shaking from too much caffeine. Is it the caffeine?

There was a time when I told myself that I had to forge ahead the best way I could. I'd lie awake in bed and thought I had to stop berating myself, bemoaning my fait. Berating, bemoaning, useful words. Doldrums. Lovelorn. Leman. Forsaken. People kept their distance and averted their eyes while I crammed contemptible alienation into my self worth. So I did forge ahead. I forged and I forged, I poured out my own coffee in the morning into the kitchen sink staring out the kitchen window at the neighbors siding. I put the dishes in the dishwasher when I remembered, and after a few months of forging I lost my worthlessness intent. Out of self-protection I tried very hard to conceal the intricacies of myself to no avail. I displayed myself to be piteous. After a decent interval, underneath you could tell that I wasn't feeling too shabby, now that the worst was over. I began singing in the shower while I shaved. I shaved more. I didn't feel invisible anymore. Not that I didn't want to feel anything else. I was slowly building up some anewed gratitude and some long lost equity.

August 8 2007; gelert said...
I can still hear your voice, deep in my soul. I've been trying to ignore it, drown it out, but I can't and I'm tired of fighting it. Just as a piece of me remains in you, a piece of your soul remains in me... forever.

Enter Gelert...why does he torment me so? Why can’t I stop reading his words? He makes my heart collapse, my eyes close. Is there a faint stirring? His words reverberate in my ears as if he had spoken them to me. I have to take a breath to read then stare at his palable intoxicating words for a long while. I decided that it is not the antidote I begged for. I felt that he was hooking me once again, landing me and leaving me gasping. I'm just wondering when he'll throw me back like a shore fish, or a species too paltry and tasteless to have been coveted-to be sold for the extermination process...pig food. Maybe a bottom feeder...white slippery scales and pimply with toxins.

Ya, a little forlorn today. I intensely yearn to hear his voice. Images of him remain dear and playfull however, my relationship remains contused in my heart as I feel I have sabotaged the very thing I wanted most.

Gelert...I wish you were here and we could sit on the sofa and fabricate tinfoil hats to the gods wearing 3D glasses.

Teresa

Someone call David Kay

I think eBay might have found some of those weapons of mass destruction.

Teresa.

Leo Loves Hillary

A conversation with myself.

A house divided against itself cannot stand. No man can serve two masters.

How about a woman? How many can one woman serve, or how many are needed to serve one?

Be serious. "Man" implies humanity. These are Biblical truths and in my opinion they are simply, true.

If it is a Biblical truth, what does it mean for you to have an opinion on it?

I have this opinion:
No religion in the world can stand as they currently are.
No human schema will continue as they currently are.

The cycle of conflict, chaos, reordering, instability, conflict, chaos...is inevitable.

Why do you say that? I agree that things change, but why is the cycle you mention inevitable?

1. There is Pride in Power (which must be wielded, either for good or bad or a combo of purposes).

2. Power leads to Corruption.

3. Corruption leads to Instability.

4. Instability leads to Conflict.

5. Conflict leads to Reordering (coup d'état)
6. Reordering leads to New (better or worse) Power

7. Repeat step 1 through 7.

It is a undeniable fact that humanity suffers from wanton greed and a lust for power. If you want something "take it". Look back throughout history. Name your empires. They may have fallen, but they always rise from their own corrupt ashes. Same song, different tune. For these reasons, I believe there must be for the sake of logic, one schema, one exemplar outside the human paradigm.

What logic requires you to do that? Humans have improved their living conditions through the centuries, so why is logical to assume that they cannot continue to do so?

You call this world system an improvement? Read the news. Things are not getting easier, just more and more chaotic.

But, I have peace. Extraordinary peace.

Teresa.

This is dated May 2007

I am not oblivious to you: a medium-framed, dark, maniacal figure hiding in my peripheral vision. Your eyes stare straight through me like tiny needle-like projections, probing my existence. A peculiar feeling, but I keep on walking. Besides, I never lose my cool... At least I pretend not to.

I shift my attention to the sound of my boots click, click, clacking on the jaded cobblestone pathway, the one that possibly leads to my fate. The sound ricochets off the buildings that line this little street, and loom overhead like ominous gods. I ignore the fact that my setting is less than picturesque. "Focus on the sound, and on getting home", I say repeatedly to myself. My pace quickens.

This rhythmic song and dance I've created is both calming and aggravating at the same time. It takes my mind off of you stalking me in the shadows, but it covers up your sound. That gives you a major advantage. I want to be aware of you. I want to be prepared... well more prepared than I already am. I think this is a self-defense mechanism that my mind designed to help me through such an eery situation. A lone woman walking down a dark and narrow alley, with some creep slinking after her. It's the epitome of a doomed situation and stupidity. When the Living becomes the Dead. When Predator meets prey.

I think I should stop psyching myself out, but my mind continues to race. My heart rate increases, and I feel my face and neck get flushed and clammy. I am exasperated, but the adrenaline just keeps me right on going. I wish I could call out to anyone, or even duck into some coffee shop or convenience store, but there seems to be nothing around that is still open at this hour. Just great. I wonder how I always seem to get myself into these situations. I don't even think Houdini could get himself outta this one. But I guess, like him, I was just too goddamn stubborn. Too proud. Too independent. Too trusting. "No, no I'll be okay. I promise, I just have to walk a little bit to make it to the Taxi stop.... right down the street," I had said earlier to my friends as we were ending our little soirée. Boy, do I ever regret that because, Ira. you need to leave me alone.

I wonder when you had realized that I would be walking alone... if you had been watching me all along. Sick bastards like you always seem to get away with that sort of shit. All of a sudden thinking of you and the fact that I would probably end up maimed and dismembered left me furious. I can't believe this is what everything boiled down to! The possibility of some hobo finding me in a nearby dumpster mortified and frustrated me. My life didn't flash right before my eyes, but images of you taking it away from me did. I pictured you having me in the worst of ways, being unable to struggle free, to survive. Suddenly, I didn't feel so hot. I didn't feel so prepared. Just helpless and afraid. Weak, even. Why can't you just leave me alone!

Teresa.

I'm not good at being alone

In fact, I hate being alone. Anywhere, in my home, in the grocery store, in an empty office. Even taking time for myself. I think I've forgotton how to enjoy my own company. I need human touch. I need to feel the warmth of another person next to me. I need to be hugged. I need conversation. I need someone to talk with, someone to argue with. I need the presence of another human being.

The smell of his skin.
The familiar tone of my sister's laugh.
The way my mom smokes her cigarette and blows it up into the air while watching TV.
Children fighting.
My Uncle Ted cooking fatty bacon in his boxers.
My dad at the mouth harp[playing it very well].
My brothers playing horseshoes.
Arguments at reunions.
My bitchy old Aunt.
My sister giving me advice I don’t need.
And a great big juicy hamburger off the BB-Q.

I need it all.

Without it, I am alone. My mind takes me to far away places. Sometimes they're silly. Sometimes they're places I don't want to go. I need more friends. I don't need more television. I need human companionship. I'm not one of those people who can disappear for hours by herself. I'm not one to venture out into the city all alone for a day. To sit solitary, still and quiet in a movie theater.

I remember how it felt to eat lunch alone sometimes in univarsity. Everyone else buzzed around me as I sat at my empty table. I always brought something to read. I knew I couldn't face it otherwise. I couldn't sit there and look around at everyone. I couldn't meet their eyes. Because I was alone. And in my head that made them better than me.

I'm not sure why I hate being alone so much. Because I know that we're all alone at some point in our lives. We're born alone, solitary beings. And eventually we find a special person, have a family of our own. Yet in old age, so many of us find ourselves alone once more.

Somehow, we all make it work. Why can't I?

When did I become so afraid of myself? When did my mind take this hold on me? I think learning to be with yourself--and only yourself--is a vital part of living. Learning to be completely independent, soul, mind and body, is very special. And maybe it takes a lifetime for some people. Maybe it took my grandmother most of her life to learn to live alone. Or maybe she knew how all along.

Maybe she was perfectly happy with her little dog if she had one, her nice community, her Harlquin Romance novels. Or maybe she wasn’t. Either way, I know she missed my grandfather. I know she never stoped yearning for that essential part of her life. I know she always longed for that human touch.

I realize that I need to learn to be alone. I realize that I need to accomplish that before I can settle down with someone, before I can move on with my life. But I also realize that companionship is a fundamental need. It's crucial to my happiness, crucial to who I am at my very core.

In 10 years, I could be the strongest, most independent woman in the world, but that won't change this one fact:

I need people.

Teresa.

Bored at work

This says it all
I need something else here at work.

Teresa.

Martin Luther King Jr.'s Other Dream?

"I have a dream, that one day little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers. And then joint hands together and purchase bargain-priced sofas." Sheesh...

Teresa.

Here I am, shameful isn't it?

This Blog is where I intended to put up some of my prose and/or poetry. Why? I’m not quite sure. Catharsis seems to be a prominent, reoccuring theme in my life... so I guess that’s why's I’ve created it. To experience catharsis, which seems to have a healing effect on my psyche.

Here goes one...

I’m trying to think about you.
But all I think about is her.
How you never cease to arouse a lost soul like mine amazes me.
It's in the sultry dance your eyes have done, when no one was looking.
"For your eyes only," you seemed to indicate.
And sometimes I found it in the temperate yet impactful way your hand grazed mine.
But often times, latley, I find it in the most lucid, torrid dreams, where the lust is thick and lingering in the air, and where you present yourself as the most beautiful phantom I have ever seen.
And how unfortunate I feel to know my dreams are not my reality.
When I wake up, I am presented with nothing but remnants of your taste, dancing on my lips--taunting and teasing me to no end...
And how gut wrenching it is to know that my dreams are not our reality, because unforgettable is your ambrosial smell stained all over my aching skin.
December 2007.

Teresa.

AMEN!

Dear friends,

I think I'm out of my rut. I've had so many issues this past year. I heard this song on the radio and related to it immediately. It sings of a person asking our Lord if strength can be found within ones self. It gives me strong inspiration and more power to know that I have the strength. Something I had all along but never seen it. If we walked around happy all the time we wouldn't learn anything. Thank you my Lord [and Supertramp].

Supertramp – Breakfast in America - Lord Is It Mine

I know that there's a reason why I need to be alone.

You show me there's a silent place that I can call my own.

Is it mine, Oh! Lord is it mine?

You know I get so weary from the battles in this life,

and as many times it seems that you're the only hope in sight.

Is it mine, Oh! Lord is it mine?

When everything's dark and nothing seems right,

there's nothing to win, and there's no need to fight.

I never cease to wonder at the cruelty of this land,

but it seems a time of sadness is a time to understand.

Is it mine, Oh! Lord is it mine?

When everything's dark and nothing seems right.

You don't have to win, and there's no need to fight.

If only I could find a wayto feel your sweetness through the day.

The love that shines around me could be mine.

So give us an answer, won't you.

We know what we have to do.

There must be a thousand voices trying to get through.

"Nobody can give away your feelings and nobody can take them away"
~My quote~

Teresa.

Have you ever?

Have you ever picked up a penny for luck when it was heads down? Have you really opened your eyes? Have you sang to someone even though you knew you were off key and it didn't matter? Have you ever been in a hot air balloon, walked in the path of a black cat? Have you ever woke up in the morning when you were a kid and try to stuff all the candy you dreamed about under your pillow before you opened your eyes? Have you ever blown a kiss to the full moon or been in the country to really see the stars? Passed a high school exam just a few marks above grade? Do you know what Do Doo Run Run means? Do you remember 8 Tracks in Fords? Have you ever kisses a boo-boo to make a child laugh all better through tears? Have you ever tried to pull a rainbow from Never Neverland? Do you see how dreams can shine or have Clowns to the Left of you and Jokers to the right? Do you think it's just unfair to the person you are saying sorry too because you were forced to say it? Have you ever placed your eyes on someone/something so ugly and not passed judgement because you knew that no one else would care a pleasant glance? Have you had true love? Have you ever looked into some else's eyes and seen love even if they didn't ever say it? Have you ever felt that you loved so much that you feel their very existence relied on the love you gave away? Have you ever woke up in the morning and just smiled because you had love in your heart? Have you ever sang out loud in the shower or wore someone else's feelings on your sleeve because you knew it would make them feel better? Do you know that you don't mess around with Jim [Jim Croce thingy]. Have you ever felt that you truly love?

Well then...put out your hand and list to port and expose your heart. It's a brand new year.

Happy New year my dear ones[and the other ones too].

Teresa.