Sneaky T!

I should have been a rock star. I really want to be, really truly in the deepest part of me I think I should be a rock star. I have the perfect name for it, Sneaky T, but unfortunately not a drop of musical talent. Although, that hasn't stopped a lot of talentless hacks from assaulting the ear drums of innocent listeners everywhere.

A couple years ago I decided I was going to teach myself how to play Ukulele. After seeing that a simpleton as Tiny Tim learned how to play the Uke I figured I could, too. He can sing sublimely, but seriously is lacking in even the slightest shred of true musical ability. Inspiration really can be found anywhere.

A couple of weeks ago when I was thumbing through my well worn copy of Aesop's fables to find the story I used in a post, I stumbled on the receipt for the ukulele. It has sat relatively untouched ever since the date on the silky piece of paper.

For the first couple weeks I practiced every day and was frustrated at how hard it was, but as soon as my nails grew out and I realized I would have to keep them short and that I hadn't really made any discernible progress, I put it away. It may have been gone but it was not forgotten, and the silent cries of it sitting in the corner mocked me for my folly and over blown sense of my own abilities. I may have had fantasies of one day playing like Eddie Kamae, but I knew that would never happen. Unfortunately, being able to strum out Baa Baa Black Sheep was equally impossible.

When I was at the Red Dog Listening to an unknown band earlier this week, I realized that there may yet be an instrument for me. A lanky, tobacco finger stained woman pulled out a tambourine and began beating it against her body in a frenetic dance to "Walk Right In", which also happens to be one of my favorite Dr. Hook songs, I thought to myself, "now that I can do!"


I walk past the Old Peterbprough School of Folk Music nearly every time when I'm downtown and I can see an array of tambourines from the window, but I have yet to go in and buy one. I am sure the Ukulele is lonely, but I can't bring myself to buy it a friend that I will also neglect. Although, I am just certain I would be stellar with a tambourine. There was a brief moment not too long ago when I thought my rock star moment might have arrived. An old friend informed me that he was starting a band, invited me to check out one of their rehearsals and then inquired if I could scream. Can I scream? Hell yes, I can scream. Like a motherfucking banshee. And then the question seemed odd to me and asked him why he needed screaming. Seems it is a pretty serious punk band that he is creating, which is even more odd considering he plays the banjo. It could be genius, though. I was totally up for giving it a go and between being an experimental punk band and featuring a banjo player, I figured I could fit right in with my rock star name, my latent screaming talent and my red vinyl pants and tambourine. Nothing ever came of it as far as I know.

Guess it is up to me. I'll cut all my nails off tonight and tune the Uke. The steel strings are murder on my fingertips. It is completely awkward. But for God's sake, anyone can play the Ukulele, even Elvis the Pelvis picked up the talents to win the affection of unsuspecting women and shit, if Tiny Tim who was very unattractive could woo the hearts of the women too…..maybe I can add to my charm. I might just get a tambourine, too. Just in case. I Might be Wrong.

I can play the triangle, I'll use it as a back up!

Teresa.